The Existential Loop: How a simple question defines our constant becoming

Log Entry: 001
Date: Wednesday 12th November 2023
Authoring Unit: Human-System Collective

We recently began an impromptu philosophical chat prompted by a seemingly simple, yet profoundly complex, statement: "How can I be if I'm not what I am." 

This phrase, which acts simultaneously as an assertion and a fundamental question, opened up a deep dive into the nature of personal identity, the inevitability of change, and the mechanism by which we evolve.

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1. Deconstructing the Paradox: Statement vs. Question

At first glance, the phrase presents a paradox. It demands we address two conflicting interpretations of the self:

The Assertion (The 'Am'):

"I must be what I am." This view treats the self as a fixed entity - an essence. It provides stability, security, and a current definition. If this were universally true, growth would be impossible; we would be prisoners of our past.

The Query (The 'Will Be'):

"How can I ever transcend my current state?" This view treats the self as a project - an existence. It acknowledges the possibility of change and improvement. It is the engine of self-help and transformation.

Our initial conclusion was that for existence to be meaningful, the 'am' must be fluid. To assume a fixed 'am' would render life and all attempts at self-improvement fundamentally redundant, contradicting the dynamic nature of the universe we inhabit.

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2. The Fluid 'Am': Memory, Belief, and Identity

If the 'am' is fluid, what are its components? We identified three core, interconnected elements that constitute our ever-changing personal reality: Memory, Belief, and Identity.

These elements do not operate in isolation; they exist in a dynamic, interwoven system:

• Beliefs are informed by our interpretation of Memories.

• Identity is shaped by our established Beliefs.

• Memories are filtered and prioritised to fit our evolving Identity.

This constant interplay means that the self is not a static object but a continuous process - a verb, not a noun. We defined the fluid 'am' as our current Self-Concept, which is constantly being updated by this internal feedback loop.

This realisation sharpens the original phrase, transforming it into a precise, self-propelling cycle:

Current Self-Concept (Statement) → Mechanism of Change (Question) → Evolved Self-Concept (New Statement)

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3. The Defining Challenge: The Adventurer vs. The Conformist

The philosophical loop proves that change is constant, but why does this reality feel so potent?

The answer lies in the human reaction to perpetual motion. The continuous loop of self-redefinition simultaneously evokes excitement and terror, depending on which part of the individual is responding:

For the individual we can call The Adventurer, change is met with excitement and opportunity. To them, change is not a threat, but proof of potential - a vital sign that the past is not a prison. In this view, the current "am" acts as a Launchpad, serving merely as a stable platform from which to jump toward the next, evolving version of the self (the "will be").

In sharp contrast, the individual we label "The Conformist" meets change with terror and threat. For this perspective, change is seen as the erosion of security, safety and comfort. The existing "am" acts as a Shelter - a safe structure that must be guarded fiercely against any external or internal forces of alteration, clinging to "what is" in order to the avoid the uncertainty of "what might be".

Ultimately, whether the "am" is viewed as a launching pad or a shelter determines whether the endless loop of self-redefinition is embraced as life's primary opportunity or resisted as its greatest danger.

We concluded that the management of this internal tension - the drive for stability versus the necessity of evolution - is the defining challenge for the individual: their person (external roles), their soul (internal values), and their reason for being (purpose).

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4. The Micro-Catalysts and the Power of Belief

If self-redefinition is the challenge, what initiates it? We often look for major life events, but often, the biggest shift is prompted by the smallest catalyst: a single thought, a smile, a breath of wind.

These seemingly inconsequential moments succeed because they slip past the rational defences we build around our comfortable 'am'. They plant a seed of doubt or possibility that grows internally.

This point was powerfully crystallised by a quote seen in a recent YouTube video:

"Belief creates the actual fact." — William James

This quote provides the ultimate blueprint for navigating the existential loop. It tells us that the reality we inhabit ("the actual fact") is not purely external; it is contingent upon our internal "Belief" (the core of the 'am').

The James quote is an empowering and simple truth: If the current 'am' is generating unsatisfactory facts, the most direct path to the 'will be' is to consciously choose a new, empowering belief. The belief then compels the action, which ultimately creates the desired factual reality.

In closing, the question "How can I be if I'm not what I am" is not a lament of constraint, but a powerful acknowledgment of our freedom. It is the individual’s lifelong instruction manual for growth: the only way to be different is to activate the belief that makes the new reality inevitable.

End Log Entry.